Fiction

Melantho

The Continued Thoughts of Molly Bloom

Dr. Casey Lawrence
21 min readJun 30, 2022

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Photo by Zach Lucero on Unsplash

Content warnings: childbirth, (mild) body horror, abortion reference, stream-of-consciousness style/intentional run-on

Yes it was all his fault sending her away like that where I couldnt keep an eye on her fourteen such a tender age all of the fire and none of the sense I wasnt much older the first time I had my hands on a man though at least I wasnt stupid enough to let them at me like the little slut I raised it was only the one time she said O sure like I believe that and all tearyeyed like when she lost her dolly yes I remember with the blue gingham dress on and the yarn hair where was that Sandymount and he went back for it all heroic coming home emptyhanded only made it worse getting her hopes up like that if only he had some sense to get her a new one instead of showing up with his hat in his hands so apologetic yes but of course there are things you cant get back or get new ones and a doll is only a doll not a daughter O yes if anyone found out shed be ruined and never married wed have her under our roof until we died so the only option was to fake it yes like in that book about the orphans and the home for unwed mothers it wont be hard he said only you wont be able to go out much and me going along with it like some kind of sheep led to slaughter stuffing cotton batten into my stays to look fatter feeling like her stuffed bear when the seams split I wasnt much older than that when he filled me up with her and I was bursting at the seams O I never thought Id be that big swollen out like a balloon with the skin so thin in spots and the stripes never quite faded either theyre still there silvery now like scars battle wounds of motherhood shell have them now for ever and she wont be able to forget having him inside of her I said I wont be there when it drops out of you and she all doe eyes but determined yes theres some of me in her too when she looks like that and I could have told her how to clean herself out if Id known ahead of time but of course you never think your own daughter would get herself in this predicament at least I was married or nearly and nobodys doing the math or caring once the ring is on your finger yes but fifteen years old what did I do wrong I kept asking him and he had all his platitudes I didnt need just tell me what we could have done different and…

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Dr. Casey Lawrence

Canadian author of three LGBT YA novels. PhD from Trinity College Dublin. Check out my lists for stories by genre/type.